Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Four Types Of Coffee Drinkers

This was written by my brother John.


There's an old saying that reads "I like my coffee like I like my women: strong and black," and that pretty much holds true for me. Sort of. I won't get into the part about the women, but the coffee part of it is pretty much accurate.

When it all boils down, there are really only four types of coffee drinkers: the strong-and-black, the cream-only, the sugar-only, and the cream-and-sugar type.

Let's start with the first one: strong-and-black. This is a type of person who is confident and bold; sensitive, yet manly. He projects an image that says "I drink coffee that's so good I don't need to add any of your "flavor enhancing" preservatives. To do so would only announce to everyone that either I'm a wimp who can't handle real coffee, or that I'm drinking really bad coffee that needs to be doctored up in order to be drinkable. This type of person is well-respected by others.

Then there's the cream-only type. This is a person who's really not sure of himself. He doesn't want to look like a wimp in front of his friends by adding sugar as well, but he's not confident enough to take the bold approach and go the strong-and-black route, so he compromises and takes a middle-of-the-road stance, trying to maintain a shallow image of respectability with other coffee drinkers.

The sugar-only type of coffee drinker has no credibility at all, in my opinion. They're mentally unstable. Nobody in his right mind would drink coffee like that, so insanity is the obvious explanation. If you do a background check on a person who's given to the sugar-only way of drinking coffee, you'll find that most of them have been committed to a mental institution at least once in the recent past.

Lastly, we have the cream-and-sugar type. This is the worst kind of all. These people have delicate tastebuds that can't be offended at all by the slightest hint of flavor. This type of person is usually over-sensitive and can't deal with raw truth. Everything must be sugar-coated and smoothed over to be acceptable to him. He tends to be immature and regressive in personality.

There you have it- the four basic types of coffee drinkers. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe my herbal tea is done brewing

12 comments:

Interested said...

Fantastic! I'm still laughing hysterically.

concrete said...

Now. What about sugar, cream and decaf??????

satire and theology said...

'Lastly, we have the cream-and-sugar type. This is the worst kind of all. These people have delicate tastebuds that can't be offended at all by the slightest hint of flavor. This type of person is usually over-sensitive and can't deal with raw truth. Everything must be sugar-coated and smoothed over to be acceptable to him. He tends to be immature and regressive in personality.'

Perhaps I do not like bitter coffee.:) And I am no cultist or philosophical fool.;)

thekingpin68 said...

'This type of person is usually over-sensitive and can't deal with raw truth.'

The Church of Last-Day Decaf?

Rick b said...

Decaf? Please tell me your kidding, That should not even be listed as coffee. I hope you can come visit again some day. Take care brother. Rick b

rick b said...

Blogger thekingpin68 said...

'This type of person is usually over-sensitive and can't deal with raw truth.'

The Church of Last-Day Decaf?


Thats funny.

As to bitter coffee? You either need better quality coffee, or you need to brew it properly or if you are, try adding a pinch of salt the the coffee before brewing, It really works, it takes away the bitterness. Rick b

thekingpin68 said...

Salt Shake City?

concrete said...

Sugar, cream, decaf and instant? Yea, you just couldn't call it coffee.

Yea I was kidding and kinda wondering how bad it could get and now I realised "instant".

Nicole said...

"Try adding a pinch of salt the the coffee before brewing, It really works, it takes away the bitterness"

Awesome! =)

I have to admit I am a cream and sugar coffee person. I love to have a strong brew like French Roast or something similar and put some cream and sugar in it! It's like liquid love! ;)

concrete said...

I just remembered reading about the cream described in Rick's lattest Iron Chef bout that way down in the Southern part of Venezuela I went to a region where coffee was percolated through cream. The process was repeated a few times until it was a coffee cream shot. Quite popular with the truck drivers going through. Very nice!

rick b said...

Concrete, I would try the coffee passed through the cream, Over all though I would rather simply drink my coffee black. Take care, Rick

concrete said...

I reckon they used cream because the water was foul. There was only Pepsi, Chinotto, milk and that coffee in this area. The water was barely ok to bathe in. I don't even remember anything being cooked in water. Boil it and I guess it would still be brown. But all that was way down south. The rest of the country had more normal coffee brews.